What If?
by emelye14283
Summary: A set of separate pieces from each character in Eyes of Forest Green, reflecting on what could have happened if things had been different, or if they had made a different decision. No particular romantic pairings, except for Will and Gwen.
1. Gwen

What If...?

Summary: A set of separate pieces from each character in Eyes of Forest Green, reflecting on what could have happened if things had been different, or if they had made a different decision.

A/N: I was at the Christmas Eve service at my church, and I suddenly had an inspiration for this number. So I hope you enjoy this!

Gwen

I sat, cross-legged, on my narrow bed and stared out the arrow-slit window. Only an hour ago, I had been listening to Mother Evangeline make a small sermon about choices, and the effect of decisions on destiny. She had asked questions like, 'What if God had decided not to bring his only Son to earth through Mary? What if Jesus had decided not to shoulder the burden God offered him? What if God had decided not to sacrifice Jesus to save us from our sins?' Immediately after matins I had stolen away to my room, and taken my customary position for deep thought. I had made many decisions over the past months alone. Surely these decisions had made their mark on my fate.

What if I'd decided to stay in Rochdale after my mother's death three years ago? I might have been married- God perish the thought!- by now. I might have starved to death. I may have been arrested for stealing food.

What if I had decided to stay at Knighton Hall and continue to work for Sir Edward and Lady Marian instead of taking to the woods? I might have been advanced to head housekeeper within a couple years. I smiled at the thought- that would have been strangely ironic, considering the fact that I hated housework.

What if I had not chosen to remain with the gang? What if I had left them to return to my solitary life? I might have found another group of outlaws to join. I could have settled down somewhere. Or I could have been arrested and hanged, all alone in the world.

What if I had chosen to strike out on my own after returning from my walk that night to find the cave empty? I might have nursed a broken heart for ages, especially when the whole gang ended up hanged except me. For that moment, I was glad I had decided to blow up the mine and save the others. But wait... I wouldn't have had the fight with Allan. But that would only be because he'd be dead, along with John, Much, Robin, Djaq and Will...

Which brought my thoughts back to the carpenter. Why would this man never leave my thoughts alone? I could still remember, with a swooping feeling in my stomach, the feel of his lips on mine, at once insistent and gentle. Such things had happened before, of course. Back in Rochdale, I had had a beau or two. None of them had taken hold of my heart like Will had. Will gave me a feeling of being at once bold, brave, and courageous, as well as feminine, gentle, and beautiful. I had thought I felt deeply for the boys in Rochdale, and it had turned out to be nothing more than a good friendship. _Why would it be any different with Will? _I asked myself. _It probably wasn't more than a fleeting flirtation, and in any case, he'll hate me now that I've been so horrid to him. _I was saddened to find that this revelation brought on waves of regret.

What if I had disregarded the interruptions made by Allan and Much, and just reached up a little further and kissed Will? What then? We might have had longer than a half hour, in any case.

What if I hadn't let her temper get the better of me, and stayed with the gang? Talked out the problem with my brother instead of storming off like a hurt child? I might have, at that very moment, been sitting around the fire in the cave, or maybe stealing into the castle treasury. Or I could have been delivering 'donations', as Robin liked to call them, to poor, starving villagers.

But if I hadn't left, I wouldn't have been taken to the abbey. I would never have known Mother Evangeline, Sister Angeline, or Anwen the elderly, gentle cook. What's more, I wouldn't have learned the real strength that resided in my heart, mind, and soul; I would never have had the need to bring the orphans to Kirkley's. I wouldn't have made myself into a new person. The scarlet-cloaked savior of orphans and widows would never have been born inside me.

Perhaps Mother Evangeline was right. Or more than right. Perhaps choices did make a difference. _But, _I reflected, _maybe it's better to let things happen as they will. Maybe it's best to let yourself be swept along by the current of life, because life has a funny way of throwing you just what you most need. Not always what you most want, but what you need._


	2. Will

Will

_What is it Robin always says? _I asked myself, walking alongside Allan to make deliveries in Clun. _Everything is a choice. _No, that was Marian, and quoted by Robin. Choices, then, must play a huge role in our lives. How was it, then, that most of our choices are unconscious? When something happens, the majority of people react without thinking. What if I could have managed to think before acting, and made different decisions?

What if I hadn't helped Benedict and Luke steal the flour from Gisbourne's stores? That was easy- I'd never have been arrested, nearly hanged, and saved by Robin. I never would have joined the gang, admittedly more out of necessity than anything else. Still, I'd never have met John, Allan, Djaq, or Gwen...

_Shut up, _I told myself. _Think about something else._

What if I hadn't had second thoughts before reaching Scarborough? What if I hadn't persuaded Allan to turn back? We'd have gotten to Scarborough and never realized that the Sheriff was devising a plan to catch all those who were plotting against him. I'd have missed out on everything the gang did after uncovering the hoax. I wouldn't have helped make the black powder that had helped put the mine back out of business. What's more, I wouldn't have met...

_Don't start. Just back away from that thought, slowly, _I cautioned myself.

But I just couldn't stop my thoughts from lingering on a pair of forest green eyes...

What if I hadn't given up, and kept chasing Gwen, forcing her to return to camp? _I wouldn't keep getting this... this horrible ache when I think about her, _he answered himself. _Instead of this damned brooding..._

'Will!' Allan was waving his hand energetically in front of Will's eyes. 'You still in the land of the living?'

Will shook his head to clear it, massaging his aching forehead. 'I'm not sure, Allan. I'm honestly not sure anymore.'


	3. Allan

Allan

I'd always been told to make the right choices. First by my father, who had later given up, and then by my mother, who felt that she should make every effort to retrieve her eldest son from the brink of hooliganism. Their words are identical: "Choosing the right path takes time, a quick mind, and intelligence." To which my father often added, "Which you do not often show, my boy." Just now, I was wishing I had listened more carefully, and taken their words to heart.

I felt completely foolish. First, I'd let Tom die, not fulfilling my responsibility as a proper older brother. And now I'd just accused my only living relative of killing our mother. Why couldn't I have listened to my parents, and chosen not to shout out the first thing that came to the tip of my tongue?

What if we hadn't let Gwen join up? I'd have lost track of my sister, my only living relative, and probably never have seen her again. _Still, as things are now we might never see her again, _I reflected.

What if I hadn't blown up at Gwen? She might still by making the camp a brighter place. Djaq would be happier, having someone, another woman, to confide in. Robin wouldn't be endlessly complaining about losing one of his best fighters- that would have been better for all of us, if only he'd stop lamenting over the fact, rubbing salt into the wounds that were still so fresh. John would smile more often- Gwen's attitude could usually bring a genuine grin to his face when other things could not. Much would feel himself put upon to fill the silences with his own irritating ramblings- I often prayed that Much would suddenly lose his voice, making camp far more peaceful, but I couldn't deny that his ramblings at least distracted me from my bitter musings. And what would become of Will if Gwen didn't come back soon? He'd either drive himself mad brooding all the time, or he'd drive the rest of us mad by his constant silence. And it was all my fault. Just because I had to shout out the first thing that came to my mind. _Good job, Allan, you idiot, _a congratulated myself, dully.


	4. Much

Much

Marian was always going on about everything being a choice. God, did I ever get tired of that when we were younger. I had, until recently, believed in fate. But then we ended up in the forest, and I began to wonder. Was it fate that we ended up outlaws? Or was it the result of a choice?

What if Robin and I had not saved Will, Allan, Luke, and Benedict? We would be living at Locksley and Bonchurch, next to warn fires and under dry roofs. But Robin's conscience, for one, would be aching, for letting four people die like that, for such a slight crime. And mine would be aching, too, for not persuading my master to save those poor people. _Altogether a good decision, right? _I asked myself. _Of course right._

What if the others hadn't come to Nottingham and helped me get into the castle when Robin had turned himself in? That was an easy answer to reach- _he'd be dead. _

What if we'd been able to reach Tom A'Dale before he was hanged, and had rescued him and his friends? _Well, _I mused darkly, _while Allan and Gwen in the same place amounts to some laughter and fun, I don't think the forest could hold all three of them together again. _

What if we hadn't taken Gwen under our wing? What if she'd left before we had the chance to accept her into our tight band? Things wouldn't have been that different, would they? I knew, of course, that was the wrong answer. Allan would have gone on believing that his whole family was dead; and as much as Allan annoyed me, I didn't want him feeling that pain. Djaq might have burst, keeping so many thoughts inside her own head, unable to share them with another woman, someone who'd understand. And Will? That was a difficult one to picture. He might have kept on trying with Djaq, tried to sway her in his favor rather than Allan's. And he'd probably have lost the battle.

What if Allan could have kept his temper to himself, and not been so childish? Gwen wouldn't have left, of course. She'd still be making us laugh, making us want to pull our hair out in frustration, and making Allan look ridiculous. She'd probably have fallen for Will and made yet another happy couple within our band. She might have become our most important strategist next to Robin. A whole multitude of things might have happened. _But because of one choice, Allan's choice, she wasn't still making us laugh, and wasn't making us tear our hair out. She wouldn't fall for Will, since she wasn't here at all. She wasn't the most important strategist below Robin._ All because of Allan.

I sat, staring into the fire gloomily, and listening to the deep, even breathing of Robin, John, and Djaq. Allan was taking a walk, something he seemed to do more often that he did before. I didn't bother to look for Will; he was undoubtedly sitting in the dark corners of the cave, cold inside and out. I sighed. What a melancholy mood that had settled on this cave. I prayed that it would soon lift.


	5. John

John

A/N: Yes! The much neglected character in many cases! This is... definitely going to be extremely short. I'm short of inspiration on this one!

Much and I came to a fork in the path while heading to Treeton. Of course, I knew the way so well, I could walk it in my sleep. We took the left fork. But the fork in the path made me think of choices and decisions. Like each fork in the path, each choices brought you in different directions. What if I'd taken different forks in my path?

What if I had taken Alice to another village with me, and started over? I'd still have a wife, and a son by now. Maybe even a daughter. But I wouldn't have joined Robin, and therefore, become a help to the poor of the shire. _Was it worth it? _I asked myself. I couldn't quite say.


	6. Robin

Robin

I loved the look in Marian's eyes whenever she said her famous words: _Everything is a choice. _And I believed her. For some odd reason, life gave me that exact feeling, of being in charge of my own destiny. But what if, being in charge of my destiny, I made a different decision?

What if I had never followed the King to the Holy Land? I'd have felt guilty for shirking my duty to my King and my Country. But I might, even now, have been married to Marian. And still happily installed at Locksley. But I never would have felt the fulfillment of saving a starving family from the brink of poverty. As such, I was able to do as much for my country as I had fighting in the East. Somehow, this is worth it.

What if I hadn't decided to save Will, Allan, Luke, and Benedict? They would be executed needlessly, and I'd have been plagued by guilt. As much as I sometimes wished not to be in my current situation, I couldn't say I regretted saving them.

What if I hadn't accepted Djaq into the gang? Marian would, even now, be dead. Without Djaq, I would have lost the person who means more to me than any other.

What if I hadn't allowed Gwen to join us? _I hate to say we'd be better off, _I told myself. _But now we've had her with us, there's no forgetting her. But if she hadn't come at all? _Life would have gone on the same way as usual.

And if Allan hadn't lost his stupid temper, I wouldn't have lost one of my most skilled, tenacious fighters! I'd never forgive him that...


	7. Djaq

Djaq

I lay awake late one night, staring at the dark ceiling of the cave. I hated falling asleep last. It meant I was the only person whose mind wasn't shut off, and I hated the feeling of loneliness that knowledge brought. The silence left me desperate to find something to occupy my thoughts, just to fill the silence pressing in on my head.

Just as I was dozing off, my father's voice echoed in my head as I remembered my homeland. "Chose properly, and you will never know regret." _My father, _I reflected, _lived, slept, ate, and breathed such sayings. _But he believed blindly in the value of choices. But what if I had made different ones in the course of my life?

What if I hadn't decided to go to war and fight the Christians? I would never have been taken as a slave. That would have been a definite plus. To never be beaten, to never have been taken from my homeland, my people, my life... that would have been good. But that would mean I'd never have met Robin, Much, John, Will, and Allan. I couldn't exactly say what my life would be like if I'd never met them. Since I presently knew them, to imagine life without them was next to impossible.

What if I had not warmed up to Gwen? _Ouch. _I had told her so many things in the course of knowing her. Things I'd never told the boys, for fear of being laughed at and ridiculed. I wished, prayed, for Gwen to return. And not just for my own sake. Allan was slightly off. Not apparently, but I could tell, by very slight mannerisms he'd never used, such as a clenched jaw here and there, or a very tight fist now and again when anything like the words 'sister', 'family', or 'gone' were mentioned. And Will... the poor boy was brooding. I felt pity for him, and begged God to give him a chance to smile now and again. But until Gwen returned, I feared that chance was awfully slim. For all of us.


End file.
